Hunter Killer

We watched Hunter Killer on Netflix last night. It is not a good film. It’s like a Tom Clancy novel where they removed astonishing technical research and accuracy, and thankfully, the racism.

And what we’re left with is the world’s first dubstep submarine movie – in that the USS Arkansas spends the movie loudly going “ping ping ping wub wub wub” yet apparently no one can hear or find it.

The movie did play the Gary Oldman bluff very well. Normally he’s cast in some minor good-guy roll so there can be some big acting when it’s revealed he’s really one of the bad guys. But not this time, it was just pointless shit casting.

As was casting Toby Stephens as a soldier nominated in the Tom Clancy Clear and Present Danger Award for “trying to make us care about some very minor characters whose purpose was left on the cutting room floor despite being the main focus of the source novel”.

And bravo for having some CGI that even had my wife saying, “well those are some SPECIAL effects.”

Film also wins the Prince Of Thieves geography award for having the main character travel from the Scottish Highlands to Faslane via Portsmouth.

And of course the very prestigious Krasniy Oktyabr Award to a Scottish Actor trying and failing to have a go at another accent while captaining a nuclear submarine.

It was great fun. 10/10 would do it again.